Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Hatred: Can't we all just get along?

I've been away because the last 18 months have been horrible. People say to write when you're stressed, it's supposed to help. But for me, in those times writing is very difficult. I just didn't have it, but I'll tell you what I did have....Hate.

I've never actually hated anyone before. Not my friends in junior high when everyone formed a club and I wasn't invited. Not my parents, even though I thought "I hate you!" Not even the two men who, at different periods of my life, assaulted me. In those times I was sad, scared, lonely, angry, furious, betrayed. I had many feelings but never that white hot searing hatred that makes you see red and raises your blood pressure to stratospheric heights.

I liked hating. It gave me energy and focus. It made me feel, not like a bug caught in a web, but like the spider, sitting, watching, waiting for just the right moment. My hatred fantasies made me smile. Blood, knives, shaming, standing up for myself powerful and strong. Taking action. Doing something to change the situation. For the first time in my life I understood the desire for revenge and the need to hurt those who have hurt you. The carnage in the Middle East and Africa, the death penalty, gang "payback" all made sense.

But after a while, a funny thing happened. I started to realize that hatred doesn't only empower, it exhausts. It detracts. It lowers the hater to the lowest level possible. It didn't accomplish anything and it made me feel terrible. It's like bad sex, all build-up but nothing in the end. I still understand it. I can't say I'm free of it. There are times when I find myself going back there, wrapping myself in its protection, feeling it, wanting it. Yet nothing is better when I've hated and in the end, I suspect it's a sham. It's the devil whispering lies. A sweet addiction that leads no where. I hope I can remember that the next time it raises its dirty head. I wish the rest of the world knew it as well.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Taxes for Us

Needless to say it's tax time so the media and social networking sites are full of comments about taxes. Although I understand the moaning about high tax rates, government programs, etc., I think we're looking at it all wrong. It shouldn't be about how high our taxes are but, rather, what kind of a country do we want to be?

A country needs money to run. Programs and services need money to run. Money comes from taxes. Where do you think the money comes from to fix those roads you've been complaining about, or to extend the sewer system to your township so you don't have to use wells and you have sewers, or to help install that high speed commuter rail system so you can avoid traffic on your way to work? Taxes.

What kind of a country do we want to be? One with pitted roads, inadequate sewers and polluted rivers? Is that our vision for our environment? What about our people? What do we want for them? Or are we all about what we want for ourselves, and once we "have" we don't particularly care about those who don't have? The problem with that attitude is two-fold.

The first is short-term thinking. I would gladly pay $10, or $40 or $100 more in taxes to pay for daycare or a breakfast program that helps a poor child because the long-term benefits outweigh that small amount of money. If that child doesn't eat or get a good start at learning, ultimately we as a society will be paying anyway ... for jail, or for increased medical care because the child won't be healthy, or by receiving less taxes because the child isn't educated enough to earn a decent living and thus pay higher taxes.

The second problem with the "I-got-mine-too-bad-you-ain't-got-yours" mindset is that ultimately most of us wind up needing government services of some kind. My parents always said "We worked for our money." Yet who collected Social Security when he retired? When my mother was ill, who paid for her medical expenses? Their insurance, with a huge supplement from Medicare. Her meds were covered, to a point; but what they paid out of pocket was substantial. They were not happy and complained about what Medicare didn't cover. So much for never needing government help. Their response was that they had contributed to these systems via taxes, so they were merely collecting what was theirs. I don't disagree with that viewpoint. But isn't an investment in more educated, less hungry, less poor, happier citizens and a cleaner, healthier environment "collecting" back on their taxes?

I spent years listening to my mother complain about resenting the amount of taxes she had to pay while "they" didn't pay. I never asked but always wanted to, "What don't you have that you need? What is paying those taxes taking away from you?" Another trip? Another dinner out or a beautiful dress? It's not that she didn't "deserve" these things. But couldn't she do without one dress, one dinner or make a trip a little less luxurious and graciously pay taxes, knowing there is a mother somewhere receiving food stamps who can buy cheese that actually tastes like cheese and has some nutritional value as a result of taxes? Or that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren will not have to be afraid to play outside because of air pollution?

We're a country known for our individualism. Taxes go directly against that value. Taxes are about the collective, the group. We may be individualistic as a country; but humans, as a species, are group-bound. For once, let's look beyond ourselves and to the group. How about this year, as you pay your taxes, you not grumble. Rather, think about the little frog you just saved that is critical to the ecosystem that purifies the water that runs by the school that provides a hands-on learning experience for the doctors and teachers and, yes, even the politicians of the future. And as you pay, smile and think, "This one is for us!"

Friday, February 19, 2010

I Love Facebook - No Really I Do

A plea to support a fundraising ball for a horrific genetic disease, a joyful engagement announcement, cheers for a hockey victory and frustration at a loss, "here is my lunch, yum!" These are some of the postings on my Facebook page.

I joined FB two years ago to see if it was useful as a way to create "communities of practice" for people who have attended classes at my work. At first I was overwhelmed with the postings, invitations, games, groups, announcements about "Mafia Wars" and the request for "eggs." How could this possibility be useful to anyone? My time was being sucked away by reading "Jerry Lewis has become friends with Matt Damon." And I care, why? Gradually, however, my opinion has changed.

At Christmas, my cousin's daughter posted pictures of the kids making cookies. I could almost smell them. My niece announced she was changing schools...moving from Florida. Florida? When did she get there? One day I read, "X is not so useful today (ok, I helped some people...this morning, but I bumbled a class today.) Within minutes there were three postings telling her she was going to get through it and people really admired her. Instant therapy of the most sincere loving kind.

Sure there are problems with security. (Note to everyone...nothing on the internet is completely secure.) I don't always want to know what my colleague had to eat or what movie my cousin hates. I don't care that you won a war, found a white kitty, planted a veggie or found an egg. FB can cut down on face-to-face interactions. One day three of us, in the same house, were communicating via FB postings. All we had to do was get up and walk 10 feet each and we could have communicated in person.
But there is something wonderful about introducing your bridemaids to each other via a group and having them share dress ideas; or seeing pictures of your new nephew moments after he's born; or knowing that you're not the only Olympics geek ... people you actually know are also watching curling. (Curling? I know that many people who watch curling?) People I may not see for years (my cousins) now can contact me on a regular basis. And the things I find out about colleagues!
No it's not a replacement for meeting and talking face-to-face. But Facebook is a fine way to get a conversation going, or continuing a connection after the tear-filled good-byes. It's brought me closer to my family and made me smile and laugh. That's not such a bad thing. Now excuse me please, I have to check my FB page before I sign off this evening.