I've Put the Water on to Boil

"I don't know. I've kinda lost faith in the Democrats. I expected them to do more," said the woman in the interview. More? President Obama has been in office two months and this woman expected him to have already solved the country's fiscal problems? 

I don't know why I'm surprised. Her short-term attitude is typical for U.S.Americans. We want it and we want it now. Next week is too far away let alone next month or next year. Everything is fast, in sound bites. We don't even have time to write emails, let alone put ink to paper. Now we tweet. If it can't be said in 140 characters (who decided on that number?) it isn't worth our time.

And yet...one doesn't plant a seed and expect it to grow immediately. You have to sow the seed, tend it, water it, give it food and light. People recognize the years of practice and drive and sheer determination it takes to become a champion athlete. "Overnight" sensations are sensations because they are rare. So we know, deep in our hearts, that the good things, the things that make life worthwhile, take time and yes, effort. 

I have nothing against Twitter and Facebook and all the myriad of other means we have for connecting with one another.  I even have no problem with the concept of speed-dating type events. But I do have a problem with us believing these quick and easy means of meeting one another replace the need for long term, slow development of relationships. I've actually read postings from people saying they've gotten to know people by reading their tweets.  I'm sorry but you can't know me in 140 characters, or even 140,000,000 characters. 

Some things just take time. Solving an economic crisis takes time. Getting enemies to want to change their relationship with us takes time. Knowing someone else takes time. Learning about ourselves takes time....a lifetime as a matter of fact. Sometimes it's boring. Sometimes it's frustrating. Sometimes it makes us face the worst in ourselves. But sometimes putting in the effort to take it slowly, to savor the experience introduces us to a part of life that makes life worth living. 

So next time you're tempted to jump on the expressway and rush to your destination, choose another way. Find a backroad and explore it. Look at the sky. See the hawks soaring overhead. Discover the flowers starting to peep up. Maybe you'll find your way to my house.  If you do, I'll put on the water to boil....not in the microwave...and fix you a cup of tea. I have a nice deck and I'd love to start to get to know you.

"Why Can't They Be More Like We Were...Perfect in Every Way

What's the matter with kids today?" Musical theatre fans will recognize these questions from Bye Bye Birdie but it seems to be the implicit question I hear many 50-something supervisors asking when they complain about the "work ethic" of younger workers. These complaints tick me off because I'm the mother of three young men, 23 to 30 years old.  All three have been promoted into management positions. Two are also in school.  The third is working 60 hours a week. No work ethic? Then we have my son's friend who works full-time and also has a part-time job. No work ethic?  Or how about the 20-somethings sitting next to me at lunch, writing a contract while they ate.  No work ethic? 

I don't think these examples are the exceptions that prove the rule. I think my sons and his friend, and the other young adults I see working so many hours and so hard are normal, typical people of their age. So what's going on with the supervisors who are complaining? In a word, culture. I believe the managers who complain about their younger employees don't understand them any more than our parents understood us. And like the worst of our parents, they don't want to find out. Last week I suggested to a supervisor that she get to know her staff better. Her response was to note they like to go to bars and she wasn't about to start to go to bars with them. That's all they like?  That's all they are about is bars? She'll never know until she understands them and she'll never understand them if doesn't get to know them better.

The problem with bias is that we identify behaviors that re-enforce our biases. So this supervisor will probably notice when her employees talk about bars or drinking or partying. Yet she may not notice when they talk about family or volunteer work or the extra work they did at home last night. To make it worse, she won't be aware she's doing it. This is why bias is so difficult to overcome. Unless someone points out that what we're thinking or saying is biased, our way seems normal and right to us. 

So here is your challenge. If you're one of those people complaining about your younger employees, ask yourself..."What do I really know about them? Do I know why they leave work right at 5? Do I know if they're working two jobs, in school or supporting a family? Do I know their values?" As my son said, "I'm very loyal...to people, not organizations." Rather than criticize him, why not have a conversation with him about why he thinks that way? You may learn there are some very valid reasons for his belief. And what if, after making an attempt to understand your younger employees, you learn someone really is just plain lazy? Well, as the 60 hour-a-week working son said, "There are a lot of lazy older people too!"