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I believe that loving someone means you want the best for them. It doesn't mean giving them everything they want ... sometimes "no" or "I can't" is the most loving thing a person can say. To a child, "No, you can't go out with the people who may get you in trouble." To a friend or spouse, "I can't do what you ask of me because it goes against what I believe and I love you enough to be honest, and trust you enough that you will accept my decision."
I believe that sometimes loving someone means putting their needs and interests first. In that moment you are truly giving them yourself. Always putting others first isn't healthy, because love also means loving yourself. But if one truly loves another, whether lover, child, friend or humanity in general, the ultimate gift of love can be the sacrifice you make for them. Isn't that the idea behind doing a mitzvah? You're preforming a good deed for someone, ideally without bragging or them even knowing. It's about what will make them better, not what it does for you.
I believe loving someone means seeing the good in the beloved, even when they can't see it for themselves. If it's not making the beloved better, it's not love. A friend said it beautifully, "There was a time I lost all sense of my own potential, but Mandy continued to see it and her vision helped me find mine again.... I’ve done things because those that I love needed me to be something I did not feel I could be. Love made me more than I would have ever been on my own." He continued, "Love should be empowering, it should rescue us and help us carry on."
Is that possible when we think of "love thy enemy?" How the heck can loving one's enemies help you "find your vision" and "be more?" In The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama and Howard Cutler, the Dalai Lama says, "In order for you to become fully successful in practicing love and compassion, the practice of patience and tolerance is indispensable. There is no fortitude similar to patience, just as there is no affliction worse than hatred....In fact, the enemy is the necessary condition for practicing patience....Our friends do not ordinarily test us and provide the opportunity to cultivate patience; only our enemies do this. So, from this standpoint we can consider our enemy as a great teacher, and revere them for giving us this precious opportunity to practice...." (pp 178-179) In other words, loving thy enemy makes you a better person.
We've been lead to believe that loving is easy and natural. Everyone can do it. But I no longer believe that. I believe that real love, true love is difficult. It's not about looking inward for what or who makes one feel good. It's about looking out and what will make that person(s) grow stronger and be better because of that love. It's about thinking of others and being willing to sacrifice for them. It's about growing by giving, not taking. The Beatles were correct. Love is all you need. Now give it away.
