Sunday, September 6, 2009

Parenting Boys, Mothers and Fathers

We all know that men and women think differently. No big news there. Men and women show their love for their children differently, but I guess I thought the way we feel about our children is basically the same. I'm not so sure anymore.

From the time a woman finds she's pregnant, her whole life changes. It's not just the birth itself, as people tend to assume. "Giving birth is such an amazing experience!" Somehow, that answer seems not quite enough. It's more because everything becomes about the baby. Can I eat this? Can I do this? Is this safe for my child? We're tired, our bodies do things we've never felt before. We cry or get angry when we used to be even tempered and cheerful. Things that used to taste good make us sick and things we hated we suddenly crave. Something is kicking our gut, something is squirming around in us. We have a hard time walking and sleep becomes a thing of the past. What the hell? Oh yeah, the baby. For nine months it's all about the baby. It's there every single minute of every single day.

On the other hand, life is...well, life....for dad. He may be excited or anxious. He may be sharing in the mood, food and sleep shifts of mom. But he can walk away. He can still sleep at night without being kicked, he can still eat what he wants. He can boogie the night away and bungee jump the next morning without having to think about anyone else but himself.

Things even out a bit when the baby is born, but it's still pretty lopsided. Dad may do diapers or childcare but if mom is nursing, she's still in high demand. She has to watch what she eats (so it doesn't affect the milk) and going far away for long is impossible. It's still all about the baby.

Fast forward a few years. The baby, now a boy, falls and hurts himself. Mom offers kisses, dad offers manly advice, "Suck it up. This won't be the last time you fall. Don't be a sissy. Be a man." Or something similar. Fast forward 18 years when Son has enlisted in the service. Mom is in a panic, dad says, "He's a man, he can make his own decisions." Huh? Where is that gut retching fear that runs from your toes to your head and that sits in a lump in your stomach like gluten free bread? Of course he's a man but does that make him immune to death or dreams of war which forever close off a part of his memory to everyone but his comrades-in-arm? This is our baby. How can you feel that way?

As I write I admit I'm angry at a father who chooses to play golf while his son moves alone. Son says, "It's ok. He can help when he gets done." But me? In my world his father should forget golf and help his son. What if he falls carrying the mattress down the stairs himself? What if he can't get the dresser around the corner alone? But maybe I'm expecting too much. I'm used to sighing and getting up to get my sons something to drink. I've been trained since I became pregnant with son #1. After 3, it's pretty much automatic. Apparently if you kick me in my sleep and make me throw up, I'll be in your debt forever.

I laughed at my grandma when she called Uncle Art her baby. I thought she was saying he was the youngest of her four sons. Today I realize I was wrong. She was literally saying he was her baby. When my sons struggle, there is still a part of me that remembers a two year old bravely dragging a chair across the floor...alone, trying so hard to be a man. No matter what he has accomplished, I still remember the saddest, most haunted eyes I've ever seen, the eyes of my 3 year old. Moms love the kind, gentle, tough, rough, stupid, intelligent men their boys become. But in our hearts, there is still the memory of his little arms reaching for us and our total dedication to his care and safety. And that's the way moms love.




Saturday, August 22, 2009

Age Ain't Nothin But A Number

Two weeks ago my cousin called and told me her father had died. It's not that we weren't expecting it...he had been ill and going downhill for some time. Expectation and reality are often not the same, however. I could hear the grief and shock in her voice. When my mother died, my cousin was there for me, so I had to be there for her. I would go to Texas for the funeral.

My brother and I talked.  What about dad? Al was his next closest brother in age, the one he grew up with. But dad is 91 and, although a world traveler in the past, he has pretty much given up airplanes. We decided I would drive to Buffalo where dad lives and then fly with him to San Antonio. When I arrived in Buffalo, dad was his typical self. He lugged a rather large suitcase up from the basement and was busy laying out clothes. He called the taxi company to arrange for pickup the next morning at 4 am. By the time we went to bed, he had made arrangements for the paper and had methodically gone around the house and disconnected all the electronic devices in case of storms. In the taxi, he told the driver the route to take to the airport and kept a hawk-like eye on the meter to make sure we weren't being overcharged. 

And then we hit the airport. Dad is a small man...dapper and good looking with an amazingly beautiful head of wavy grey hair. His main problem is he has a difficult time walking long distances because of problems with his feet. Not knowing how far we had to walk between gates, I had ordered a wheelchair for him. Apparently wheelchair = invisible. Wheelchair and elderly = invisible and stupid.  Although not an actual conversation, our interactions with airline personnel, wait staff, taxi drivers and other random people went something like this. 

Looking at me. "Do you want a wheelchair?"
Me, looking at them. "I don't know, ask him." 
Them, still looking at me. "You ordered a wheelchair.  Do you want it?"  
Me (annoyed now), "I don't know.  Why don't you ask him? He's the one who's going to use it!"
Then, finally looking at him. "SIR!" "DO.....YOU....WANT....A.....WHEELCHAIR?"
When he replied, "No" once again, I was the one consulted.  "He said no. Do you want the wheelchair?"
My father is 91 with bad feet.  He's not stupid nor invisible. 

I realize my father is rather extraordinary. He's learned how to use a computer within the last 6 or so years.  He drives and lives alone. He can talk science, politics or wines with the best of them and he should have his own night time talk show, he's so funny. Most people, especially the elderly, aren't up to his speed.  However, it's the assumption I saw people making that ticked me off. That assumption is that because he needs assistance getting around, or because he is older, he is incapable of speaking for himself. Seeing people's reactions to him when they finally did "see" him and let him talk was hilarious. Partially it's because he's so funny but also because they realized he could talk for himself. Once that happened, he was no longer invisible and they treated him as the capable person he is.

My question is, why did he have to face that level of disrespect first, merely because of his age? (We could also ask that same question about anyone who faces the same treatment because of race, religion, sexual orientation, etc.)  Why do people assume that once someone reaches a particular age (and what age might that be?) that he or she has become childlike? A loss of hearing or a slow walk or bent back or poor feet don't immediately equate to a loss of intelligence or self-awareness.  

So this is what I ask.  The next time you interact with an elderly person, don't assume anything. Speak up if need be, slow down if need be (this is true whenever you're interacting with someone with a hearing loss....or who may not speak your language as a native). Assist them as they move, if need be. But don't equate loss of physical agility with loss of mental capability. What you're seeing at that moment may represent only a small fraction of who that person is and what she or he is capable of doing. If that's not enough to convince you, remember with some luck you'll be there soon enough yourself....how do you want to be treated? 

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Life: Is It All About Loss?

I've been thinking about losses a lot. It seems I'm surrounded by losses. The loss of a child (three of them within a few months); loss of a job leading to a loss of a sense of identity; the loss of colleagues;  the loss of a relationship that you thought would go on forever; loss of memory; the loss of one's ability to be independent. These are all situations faced by people I know personally. On the world stage, the loss of freedom, cultural icons, the ability to return home. The most recent is an announcement made by the president of a professional organization I belong to about the arrest of the husband of a colleague. We may, at some point, find out where he is and how he is.

Recently I've found myself asking if this is how it was supposed to be. Aren't we, at some point, supposed to be settling into old age, relatively secure, surrounded by grandchildren?  How the hell did it get this difficult? And then I wonder, how did we get to the point where we believe it is our right to be happy, to not have to face the cold truth that life is about struggle and loss, as well as winning and love?

Have we, in our cultural blindness...in our absolute certainty that we can control or fix it all...have we deluded ourselves about what life is really like?  We've been known to mock cultures that are fatalistic where people believe what happens happens and they have no control over it. It's in God's hands. Yet, when it comes right down to it, isn't that the real truth? If they no longer love you, if the heart stops beating, if there is truly no more money and no more jobs, isn't it in someone else's hands, not our own? What's the difference?

Sometimes lately I've felt that life is just too heavy, too much.  I want to curl up in my bed and hide my head and yell, "Get me when it gets better!!!!" The thing is, it doesn't get better. Or does it? I told someone today that I find myself living either in the past or the future, not the present. Thinking about what "was" is depressing. Worrying about what "will be" is crazy-making. What does that leave us? Now? 

This morning I went for a walk with a beloved friend and then we sat and talked for a long time. I had the rest of some killer dirty rice we made for dinner four days ago. My mouth danced when the sausage hit the taste buds. Now I'm going to take a hot shower and go to sleep...two things I love doing. Maybe that's what we need to do amongst all these losses...focus in on what's happening this moment...the one piece of beauty or joy in this moment.  Maybe then these losses we all seem to be carrying will become lighter. They won't go away because I think I'm finally learning that life really is hard, brutal and often cold, but lighter is good. "Lighter" I may be able to survive with my humor and sense of hope at least partially intact. I'm trying anyway. I'll let you know how it goes. 

Monday, May 18, 2009

Torn Between Two Worlds, Or Am I?

I've spent the last month off-line working in two worlds, the face-to-face classroom and learning more about social networking. I continue to be excited about both. To me, there is nothing better than students who are fully engaged in a live discussion/argument/debate/dialogue. When someone gets up and starts to walk around because they just can't contain their energy, I know I've got them.

Likewise, the abandonment with which people engage in Facebook, Twitter, Ning, MySpace, etc., creates whole new exciting educational possibilities that didn't exist a few years ago. I recently read the fastest growing group of people on Facebook are women over 40. Forget the NetGen, we're all living-on-line.

However, I'm seeing something troublesome begin to happen. It appears to be the assumption that some of us are either too old, not techie enough or just not interested in the online or "modern" environment. I've seen it with computer skills but most recently in an assumption that a traditional pipe organist cannot or will not, learn to play non-traditional church music on electronic keyboards. The problem is that the parties involved aren't being asked if they have the interest to learn. An assumption is made, action is taken and that's it.

We all have preferred ways of doing things. In the public section it's called WIIFM.."What's in it for me?" Very few of us move out of our comfort zones unless we can see something in it for ourselves. WIIFM could be new friends, a new skill, greater happiness, a more healthy life or a benefit for the community. Whatever it is, it has to have meaning for the people we're asking to change.

Most people don't immediately jump into whatever is new. That's for the cutting edge junkies. Something comes into wide-spread use when people begin to see how it can positively impact their lives. I remember telling a friend I thought phones with cameras in them were stupid. Then I found myself on vacation and camera-less but with a phone. You better believe the next phone I got had a camera. My point is this...if you are a person who is leading a technology change, don't assume those who say things like "Twitter is stupid" are not on board and never will be. Give them a chance by helping them see the possibilities.
  1. Help them by teaching them or by leading them to the resources so they can teach themselves. The more someone uses something the more comfortable they become.
  2. Remember the "learner's mind," that is, how confusing something new is to someone who knows nothing about it.
  3. Ask them if they have an interest in learning about non-traditional music played on an electronic instrument or in understanding what an RSS feed is and does. Don't assume and then make decisions based upon your assumptions.
  4. If after all of that, you decide the person really isn't going to be able to adapt, be kind to them. They deserve more than "you no longer fit our organization."

What's in it for you? How about living the values that demonstrate great leadership? Those don't change, no matter what world you inhabit.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Living the American Dream

"My friends have been laid off and my hours have been cut to 50%." I told Jack, a self-employed doctor. "You're living the American Dream," he replied. "Today that means you have a roof over your head, food on the table, you can pay the rent and you have a job." 

This conversation was remarkable to me for many reasons. Jack is a lovely, kind man, but he is not known for accepting the state of the union, or his life, without complaint. Being a self-employed professional, his expectation was that by this time in his life he would be moving into retirement with enough money in the bank to support his family, take vacations and buy the occasional new, hot car. He wasn't expecting to have to still be working and he certainly wasn't planning on watching his saving dwindle to kids-in-college levels.  And yet there he was, blithely pointing out the obvious to me .... things have changed. He's not anywhere close to being able to retire and I .... well, I at least have something of a job left. 

The thing is, his words were oddly comforting .... like the fog that lifts in your brain when you finally comprehend a new idea. The next day I heard a report about a party that someone was giving for others who were, like the party-giver, unemployed. "There is no shame in being unemployed anymore," he is reported to have said.  No shame perhaps, but one still has to eat and live somewhere. A colleague told me of her friend who has a house and family and no job. His wife just lost her job too and so they worry about how they will be able to pay their mortgage and not lose their house.  My friends are greeting their new status with differing attitudes. One is taking it as an opportunity to truly focus on a business she has dabbled at for years. The other two are cobbling together bits and pieces of jobs here and there in order to bring in enough money to pay their share of their health benefits and have food and a home. I see forced smiles and hear nervousness when we ask about their future plans.  

Surveying all this I realize Jack is correct .... the American Dream has changed. It's no longer about striving to be better and better, to have more and do more. Today it's about hanging on, about being grateful for our friends and food and shelter and what jobs we have.  In some way that is very sad. Yet, ultimately it might be a good thing. How much more could we want? How many more closets full of clothes, garages full of cars, offices full of gadgets, passports full of stamps, do we actually need? In reality, the only things we truly need are food, shelter and the people we love. Jack didn't mention love, but, proud grandfather that he is, I know he was including it. 

So in these days of hardship, I wish you The American Dream. May you have food, shelter.... enough .... and the love of friends and family. You know, that's not such a bad dream after all.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

I've Put the Water on to Boil

"I don't know. I've kinda lost faith in the Democrats. I expected them to do more," said the woman in the interview. More? President Obama has been in office two months and this woman expected him to have already solved the country's fiscal problems? 

I don't know why I'm surprised. Her short-term attitude is typical for U.S.Americans. We want it and we want it now. Next week is too far away let alone next month or next year. Everything is fast, in sound bites. We don't even have time to write emails, let alone put ink to paper. Now we tweet. If it can't be said in 140 characters (who decided on that number?) it isn't worth our time.

And yet...one doesn't plant a seed and expect it to grow immediately. You have to sow the seed, tend it, water it, give it food and light. People recognize the years of practice and drive and sheer determination it takes to become a champion athlete. "Overnight" sensations are sensations because they are rare. So we know, deep in our hearts, that the good things, the things that make life worthwhile, take time and yes, effort. 

I have nothing against Twitter and Facebook and all the myriad of other means we have for connecting with one another.  I even have no problem with the concept of speed-dating type events. But I do have a problem with us believing these quick and easy means of meeting one another replace the need for long term, slow development of relationships. I've actually read postings from people saying they've gotten to know people by reading their tweets.  I'm sorry but you can't know me in 140 characters, or even 140,000,000 characters. 

Some things just take time. Solving an economic crisis takes time. Getting enemies to want to change their relationship with us takes time. Knowing someone else takes time. Learning about ourselves takes time....a lifetime as a matter of fact. Sometimes it's boring. Sometimes it's frustrating. Sometimes it makes us face the worst in ourselves. But sometimes putting in the effort to take it slowly, to savor the experience introduces us to a part of life that makes life worth living. 

So next time you're tempted to jump on the expressway and rush to your destination, choose another way. Find a backroad and explore it. Look at the sky. See the hawks soaring overhead. Discover the flowers starting to peep up. Maybe you'll find your way to my house.  If you do, I'll put on the water to boil....not in the microwave...and fix you a cup of tea. I have a nice deck and I'd love to start to get to know you.

Monday, March 2, 2009

"Why Can't They Be More Like We Were...Perfect in Every Way

What's the matter with kids today?" Musical theatre fans will recognize these questions from Bye Bye Birdie but it seems to be the implicit question I hear many 50-something supervisors asking when they complain about the "work ethic" of younger workers. These complaints tick me off because I'm the mother of three young men, 23 to 30 years old.  All three have been promoted into management positions. Two are also in school.  The third is working 60 hours a week. No work ethic? Then we have my son's friend who works full-time and also has a part-time job. No work ethic?  Or how about the 20-somethings sitting next to me at lunch, writing a contract while they ate.  No work ethic? 

I don't think these examples are the exceptions that prove the rule. I think my sons and his friend, and the other young adults I see working so many hours and so hard are normal, typical people of their age. So what's going on with the supervisors who are complaining? In a word, culture. I believe the managers who complain about their younger employees don't understand them any more than our parents understood us. And like the worst of our parents, they don't want to find out. Last week I suggested to a supervisor that she get to know her staff better. Her response was to note they like to go to bars and she wasn't about to start to go to bars with them. That's all they like?  That's all they are about is bars? She'll never know until she understands them and she'll never understand them if doesn't get to know them better.

The problem with bias is that we identify behaviors that re-enforce our biases. So this supervisor will probably notice when her employees talk about bars or drinking or partying. Yet she may not notice when they talk about family or volunteer work or the extra work they did at home last night. To make it worse, she won't be aware she's doing it. This is why bias is so difficult to overcome. Unless someone points out that what we're thinking or saying is biased, our way seems normal and right to us. 

So here is your challenge. If you're one of those people complaining about your younger employees, ask yourself..."What do I really know about them? Do I know why they leave work right at 5? Do I know if they're working two jobs, in school or supporting a family? Do I know their values?" As my son said, "I'm very loyal...to people, not organizations." Rather than criticize him, why not have a conversation with him about why he thinks that way? You may learn there are some very valid reasons for his belief. And what if, after making an attempt to understand your younger employees, you learn someone really is just plain lazy? Well, as the 60 hour-a-week working son said, "There are a lot of lazy older people too!" 

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Hug Them, Kiss Them, Tell Them You Love Them...NOW!

This is not the blog I was going to write. I was going to write about working in multi-generational workplaces but then the call came. It wasn't at 3 a.m., but it might as well have been. My friend's daughter... in her early 30s, a ob/gyn doctor....model gorgeous...is dead. How can that be? I remember the joy on her amazing face as she grabbed her diploma and they called her "Doctor." The baby girl had grown up into a woman ready to take on the world. And now she's dead. 

Many years ago I was teaching a class for women who were going back into the paid workforce. One woman had lost her beloved husband a mere month before entering our workshop. They had been married for ten years, worked together, played together, had a perfect life. Then on Christmas eve, he got up from his chair to walk over to her and dropped dead. He was 39. When I met her she was joyful, upbeat and always laughing. My colleague and I couldn't believe it. W here was her grief? I asked and what she told me was life changing. "Nothing was left undone. When we argued we argued but then we got over it. We told each other we loved each other, we played, we enjoyed each other. When we were together we were together.  Would I like more time with him?  Of course! But there was nothing undone so I have no regrets. I don't think...if only we had. If only I hadn't..I wish I could..." 

My kids and friends sometimes think I'm nuts because I tell them I love them all the time. I hug every chance I get. But events like today's convince me how important those hugs and love are. What if this really is the last time you ever see or speak to that person? Is the conversation or interaction you just had the one you want to be the last one ever? Will you live with guilt or regret for the rest of your life because you were angry or said something hurtful...and now it's too late? 

We never think,  "Today's the last day." We always think we have tomorrow or next week or next year. We think we'll punish them just a bit longer. "They'll be sorry. They'll come crawling back." Or we'll get another chance to make it up to them.  But sometimes we don't.  The car crashes, the heart stops, the unthinkable happens.  And for the rest of our lives we think..."if only..." 

Don't let that happen to you. Find the people you love, you admire, even those you just like a lot...and let them know.  Hug them, kiss them, tell them how much they mean to you, how much you love them.  Do it and do it now. You never know what you'll learn from the next phone call.  


Sunday, February 1, 2009

What the Heck Is "Post Racial?"

I happened upon one of those TV shows where they build a house from the ground up. They introduced the architects, designers, plumbers and construction boss. Everyone was White. Sigh. I notice things like that. I go to movies and look for diversity. I've been known to not watch popular TV shows because everyone is White, straight or without disabilities (Friends, anyone?). Look for yourself. Turn on TV and examine network series. See how far we haven't come. And when the cast is diverse, usually the non-White characters are in supporting roles. 

Since Barak Obama was elected President, I've heard we're living in a "post racial" society. I think that's supposed to mean race is no longer something we need to pay attention to. It means that not only are we the most diverse country in the world but we're the most fairly diverse country. Now that we have a Black President anyone of any race can be whatever they want, so they say. Really? No, I mean, really?

If that's the case, why can't a person of color talk about how race affected something without being accused of "playing the race card?" Why is there exactly one Black senator in the U.S. Congress? How many CEOs of Fortune 500 companies are Black? (Hint, it's less than the number of your fingers.) Presidents of universities that aren't Historically Black? Shall I continue?

Perhaps it's true the younger generation looks at race without the biases of their parents. But culture, beliefs and practices are passed down from parents to children. Very often, so are racial biases. So although I'm willing to listen to "our kids are different" I'm not buying it completely. However let's assume for a moment it is true. If we are over race, one would think we would be able to talk about racial issues like we do, oh say cancer or money or sexual dysfunction...things that used to make us uncomfortable but no longer do because we are "over" them. But most commonly, Blacks and Whites can't talk about race. Most Whites deny racial profiling exists even though there is ample evidence to show it happens. (One honest former cop I know said simply, "Of course we profiled!") Most Whites blame the lack  of top-level Blacks to individual factors. Most Whites refuse to acknowledge that in study after study, when all else is equal: Blacks are granted fewer mortgages, are offered fewer interviews if  their names sound Black, are falsely told apartments are unavailable when they are available, are given longer sentences for crimes than are White criminals. 

Even if we are individually less racially biased, our institutions sustain a system that favors Whites over Blacks. If we want to be post racial we will change our institutions so everyone will have equal opportunities for success and the structural racism in our systems that supports discrimination, profiling and other racially based impediments is eliminated. As a country we have made tremendous progress, there is no doubt about that. But the success of a few people, be it Oprah, Obama or Jordan is just that...the success of a few. When we have so many CEOs, presidents and millionaires of color that we can't remember their names, then you'll have a good argument for the U.S. being post racial. Until then I'll be the one, sitting in the corner of the movie theatre, counting. 

Monday, January 19, 2009

Speechless

A fable:
Imagine there are terrorists who want to kill you and take over your state. 300 of them walk into a mega-mall where there are thousands of holiday shoppers. From various locations they randomly shoot rockets into the surrounding area. The police, surrounding the mall, engage in what they call "targeted bombing" by determining where they believe the terrorists are headquartered and then dropping bombs on those locations. They kill terrorists but they also kill shoppers. By the fourth day food and supplies are scarce and the shoppers are desperate. The few medical personnel among them are tending those who have been injured by the police bombs using the limited supplies originally designed for first aid. The targeted bombing has killed 15 terrorists, but it's also killed over one hundred shoppers and injured scores more. The terrorists have killed three in the community.

Outside, trucks with medical supplies, food and medical volunteers have arrived. The volunteers are willing to risk entering the mall to help the hundreds of injured and dying shoppers. Then the word comes from the police..."The mall is sealed. Nothing and no one goes in or comes out." The media receives cell phone calls from shoppers begging for food and medical help. But the police refuse to change their minds and ban further cell phone contact.

Reality:
Think this couldn't happen? Well it was happening in Gaza. As of this posting a ceasefire
has been declared but no one believes there will be lasting peace since both Hamas and the Israelis refuse to accept each other's legitimacy. I've never lived in fear that I couldn't walk down the street without being bombed so I don't know how the Israeli or Palestinian people feel. But bombing and killing innocent people when you have overwhelming power has got to be wrong.
 
Israel claims it only seeks to secure its safety but anyone who looks at a map of Palestine in 1947 when Israel was founded and compares it to now can see the shocking shrinking of Palestine. Not only has Palestine shrunk, but huge areas of it have Israeli settlements in them. The disingenuousness of Israel is obvious. Why do you take over territory if you only want to protect yourself? A trapped person fights back. What do the Israelis expect?
 
I always say I was raised Catholic in a Jewish neighborhood. I have family and close friends who are Jewish. The Judaism I know is a religion of compassion and acceptance. It's a religion of fighting for the rights of others. The Civil Rights movement and Jews are inextricably linked in my mind. I wonder, how can Jews do this? My heart breaks as I watch and wonder how such a good and noble people could sink to this horror. I look for explanations but only see the same political tripe. Gandhi was said to have remarked, "An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth and we'll all be blind and toothless." And if Israel is any indication, heartless.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Don't Tell Me I'm Too Old!

I love my girlfriends. I love the fun I have with them and I love how much they love me. But what I don't love are those stupid cartoons they send me, the ones of the old lady pointing out that we're old, our breasts sag, our stockings bag and our eyes can't see. Excuse me?

What's wrong with women that we feel the need to point out our individual flaws not only to our significant others, but to the world at large? "Oh look, I'm 50, see how my ass has suddenly fallen?" Is it an excuse not to pay attention to the way we look, to health, to our well-being? I've heard women say, "I'm (50, 60, 70), I'm so happy I don't have to worry about those things anymore." Wrong-O. You do. Not for others, but for yourself. Chances are you'll live into your 80s or 90s. Don't you want to be healthy and vigorous as long as possible? Don't you want your mind to be alive and to face life with eager curiosity? Or do you want to only be able to sit in a chair someplace and just stare?

It's all about mindset and I think many of us need to change ours. People at work tell me they have employees (usually women) who say they can't learn some new system. "They're close to retirement and just don't seem invested." So retire and clear the way for those who are invested. Can't? Then you better change that mindset and learn because, in these troubled economic times, don't expect anyone to be invested in you even after years of service. Act active, be active and you're a valuable resource. Whine you're too old to learn and you're dead wood. 

Too old? Tell that to my father. He's into his 91st year and within the past ten years he's learned how to use a cell phone and computer. He emails, checks his stocks online and has sent me pictures that he's "bundled." He uses "google" as a verb and scolded me that I "really should" download GoogleEarth. (I did!) Last month, after seeing the Chuck Berry film he said, "I think I'm starting to like rock 'n roll!" Oh, and this lifelong Republican acknowledges Hillary Clinton as smart and said Barack Obama seems to be making appointments based on skill and not party. These actions and comments indicate a man who is still learning, thinking and growing. And, he's always dressed to the nines. 

It's all about mindset. For 2009 I'd like to invite all women "of a certain age" to adopt Obama's theme: Yes we can! Yes we can look fantastic. Yes we can be healthy and fit. Yes we can learn new technologies and processes. Yes we can look in the mirror and exclaim, "Damn woman, you sure are fine!" Old? That's so 2008.