Keep your marriage away from mine.

Several weeks ago Sue emailed that Denise, her partner of well over 20 years, had died. The final sentence in the email was, "At least we were able to get married." That sentence haunts me. Something I take for granted was a precious gift to them. I've been married for over 30 years and in that period of time I've been friends with I don't know how many gay and lesbian people. I've been married...and them? In most places they are like Scarlett O'Hara...dependent upon the kindness of strangers.

The fragility of my friends' situations struck me about four years ago when Cathy needed major surgery. June asked me to accompany her to the hospital to wait with her. The check-in nurse wanted to know June's relationship to Cathy. In other words, if something happens can I legally tell you? Fortunately Cathy was at a "gay friendly" hospital in a city with a Human Rights ordinance which forbids discrimination based upon sexual orientation and June was treated as Cathy's next-of-kin. However, in another city, another hospital, Cathy and June's experiences could have been completely different. Cathy could have been denied the one person she wanted to see, the one person who could offer the love and comfort she needed to recover. Fortunately it didn't happen to them, but it has happened to others all over the country.

The United States prides itself on being a country of equality and fairness, yet many of us feel treating gay men and lesbians unequally and unfairly is ok. An increasing number of other countries don't agree. According to About.com, as of November 2008 gay/lesbian marriages are legal in Canada, Netherlands, Belgium, Norway, South Africa and Spain. Both Spain and Belgium have majority Catholic populations (75% and 47% respectively). These six countries are democracies with some of the highest standards of living in the world. The fundamental character of these countries hasn't changed since they've legalized gay/lesbian marriages.

Several years ago my good friend Miller came out to me. At the end of the conversation he laughed a deep, satisfied laugh and I realized that I hadn't heard that sound in years. The strain of hiding who he was, even from good friends, was so great that he could never completely relax. Miller is a hard working, kind, generous, funny and very Catholic man. What he wanted then was for his heterosexual friends love him as he is... as God made him.. gay. What he wants now is to love someone just as heterosexuals do... pledging his faithfulness and love in front of friends and family in a marriage ceremony so he never has to worry about being legally kept from his beloved. How can that be wrong? "At least we were able to get married."