Happy New Year...Now Change Yourself

The new year is often a time for assessment and re commitment. We look over the previous year and decide how to improve ourselves. Then we make a commitment to change...lose weight, look for a new job, spend more time with the family. 

Self-assessment is great but honestly, how many of us actually implement those changes? It's difficult. I've heard it takes over 20 tries to change a habit. Some say even more...up to 40. If you've decided to drink water and not pop, it will take you at least 20 instances of reaching for pop and telling yourself, "No, I really want water" to automatically reach for it. If there is an addiction (caffeine, tobacco, food, etc.) it takes longer. Note, the change of habit from pop to water involves replacing one item with another. That's complicated enough. But what happens if we decide to change a psychological "habit?" We may say we need to spend more time with family and less time at work but why aren't we doing that already? Perhaps long hours at work are expected and we're afraid to violate the norm. Perhaps we feel more appreciated or competent at work than at home. How do we change these behaviors, especially if it involves facing an ugly truth...we would rather be at work than at home or we are afraid, or we're not who we say we are?

Another aspect of change involves the people who surround us. I once worked with a man whose daughter, in a fit of pique, told him he was unbelievably sexist. He was shocked and asked his wife, another daughter and secretary if it was true. They all said it was. He decided to transform himself. Most of the females in his life were delighted but some were not. Many of his male colleagues were angry. Some ostracized him while others actually tried to sabotage his career. It was a very difficult time for him but he knew he was doing the right thing so he continued. 

To be successful we must prepare for what we're likely to face. You forgot to call home today, do it tomorrow. Then try another 20 times. That cookie? What's on hand to replace it? (It has to be something you like!) Trying to be less sexist, racist, classist or just a better person? Expect people to be critical, to ask what you're trying to do, to make fun of you, to not understand. When that happens, find people who appreciate you. But whatever happens, don't let it stop you. A small step is better than no step. If everyone in the world improved just a little, the change would be massive. You can start the process.

Oh, and that sexist man? He eventually won an award from a national woman's magazine for creating an exceptional workplace for women.